A Post for the Ages

(The ages between three and six, to be exact.)

When I was young…sure, that’s a great way to start out a story. Sheesh. Even an autobiographical story should have a better beginning than that. Let’s see, by the implication of that sentence we obviously know that the author (such a loose term in today’s society, don’t you think, Madonna?) was young at some point during their life. This rules out beings originating in alternate dimensions and/or universes that some how were born dead and are slowly working their way backward. Nice to know. The other implication made here is that the author is now going to relate some event or “peculiar” trait or thought they had when they were a child and how this is somehow relevant to something profound that happens later. At least, we can hope, but there are those “authors” out there who would be content to tell us that when they were young they ate peanut butter and bologna sandwiches with the rabid monkey pirate king of Borneo and, having done so, end the sentence and the story with the following punctuation mark. Even a tidbit as seemingly provocative as this previous one leaves a bit of a yes-and-then-what taste in the mouth. So, assuming that we are not dealing with one of these sorts of “writers,” which I will go ahead and assume considering that the writer in question is none other than myself (four words, totaling six syllables in place of “me” – see, I am a writer), the sentences that follow this clichéme-ful clause should certainly be of enough considerable wit and depth so that they may atone for the sins of their four father words. That being concisely said, here is the piece in it’s entirety for your evaluation:

When I was young, I ate grape jelly and salami sandwiches with the placid donkey viking prince of Luxembourg. And yesterday, his sister asked me for the recipe.

Fine

(Hey what did you want? The assignment was three hundred fifty words. It doesn’t give you much to work with. I did use all 350, though. Go ahead, count them. I know you won’t)