Kari's Journey Through the Greeting Card Labyrinth

Well, as I have said before on this blog, I do believe that you can learn at least one new thing everyday if you try hard enough. Some days all you may learn is that leaving a note for your waitress that says “wear a helmet” in lieu of a tip is good way to get slapped. But other days you may learn that beating the 22nd level of Super Dragonoid Realm IV will amazingly unlock a solution for world peace.

Today, my new thing for the day (there may be more, it’s early yet) is the realization that when I am PMSing, I should not be left alone in the greeting card section of Target.

See, I was looking for a card for my mom’s birthday, and I started out in the humor section, but most of the cards there were wildly inappropriate. I don’t care who your mom is, if she likes a card with a lame inscription about shoe shopping, unshaven legs or sagging body parts, you might want to seriously consider looking into adult adoption. (I feel similarly about “humorous” cards for males – duck tape, burn bbq food & remote control jokes have been done to death people. Is it so hard to imagine a man who is actually productive & talented? I know at least that my dad is no Al Bundy.)

Anyway, discouraged at the lack of humor in the section daring to call itself such, I turned to the aisle with all the flowery cards for moms. Yes, flowery. As in nearly every one had a least one flower on it, was generally pink & included its own insipidly flowery sentiment. I read all the mom cards in the section and even started picking up ones for grandmas, third cousins and substitute teachers. And nearly every single one made me cry. You may be picturing me balled up in a fetal position in Target, clutching a holiday decorated box of tissue, making a feeble attempt to convince curious passersby that my distress is being caused by “these outrageous prices.” Well, it was nowhere near that bad, more tearing up that actual crying, but still, I have rarely felt more girly that I did at that moment. Thankfully, I did end up finding a nice card for my mom, but I may have to consider turning in my Jo March fanclub card.