Nautical Nonsense

In honor of Patrick the car, who got two new tires this weekend, but is still dying slowly...I present to you some of my favorite Spongebob quotes:


Patrick: I'll tell you a little story called "The Ugly Barnacle": Once there was a very ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everybody died. The End.

Patrick: You're a man now, SpongeBob, and it's time you started acting like one.
SpongeBob: Yeah. Oh, but I'm not sure how.
Patrick: Allow me to demonstrate. First, puff out your chest.
[SpongeBob puffs out his chest]
Patrick: Now say, "tax exemption."
SpongeBob: Tax exemption.
Patrick: Now you must develop a taste for free-form jazz.
[Both listen intently to jazz music]
Patrick: Okay, you're ready.

Mr. Krabs: It's not the boots, it's the boot-ee. Err... I mean, uh... the person in the boots.

Barnacle Boy: We won. And the superhero-supervillain rules require you to do what I say.
ManRay: World domination. Ask for world domination.
The Dirty Bubble: Make him eat dirt.
[Man-Ray gives him a curious look]
The Dirty Bubble: In addition to the world domination thing.

Squidward: Let me get this straight. You two bought a big screen television just so you could play in the box?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Pretty smart, huh?
Patrick: I thought it wouldn't work.

Patrick: Liar, liar, plants for hire.
SpongeBob SquarePants: It's pants on fire, Patrick.
Patrick: Well you would know, liar.

Squidward: But I have a theory. People talk loud when they wanna act smart, right?
Plankton: CORRECT.

Patrick: I wanna defeat the giant monkey man and save the ninth dimension.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Me too. But that sounds a little too hard. Let's try smaller.
Patrick: I wanna defeat the little monkey man and save the eighth dimension

Squidward: I can't believe anybody would celebrate a holiday where a jolly prowler breaks into your house and leaves gifts.

Patrick: "I know a lot about head injuries...belieeeve me!"

Patrick: "I can't see my forehead!"

Squidward: "Has anyone ever played an instrument before?"
*Patrick's hand goes up*
Patrick:" Is mayonnaise an instrument?"
Squidward: "No Patrick, mayonnaise is not an instrument."
*Patrick's hand goes up again*
Squidward: "No Patrick, horseradish is not an instrument either."
*Patrick's hand goes down*

I promise to stop with the cheap quote posts soon, but I was having too much fun.