Take 2 cups of motor oil, spread liberally over the Persian rug, and scrub!

What the world needs is an Evil Heloise. I'm not suggesting a column with pipe bomb recipes, but just fake advice that makes a bigger mess than the one you are trying to clean. I figure that it might be pretty easy to slip under the radar, at least for a little while, because most of the real Heloise tips sound so crazy anyway.

Actually even real “hints” can be disastrous. I was listening to a morning radio show (I was actually trying to listen to music, but that is just not possible in the morning) a couple of weeks ago, and apparently the female morning host on this particular station periodically dishes out her own Heloise-type hints. A woman called in regarding a hint that suggested using a teaspoon of baking soda along with regular shampoo to get extra clarifying power when washing your hair. The caller’s hair had turned into a huge puff ball with little clumps of soda/shampoo mixture stuck in it. Well, it seems that the short-sighted radio host did not warn her listeners not to use the baking soda from their refrigerator when trying this tip out.

Well, while I wait for the right opportunity to try out my Evil Heloise scheme on the unsuspecting, I want to leave you with an actual tip I pulled off the official Heloise website:

Keep Blue Jeans From Fading
Turn inside out and wash in the coolest water possible; dry on lowest heat. Try dry-cleaning jeans once every five to six washings to slow down the fading process and keep colors fresh longer.

…or buy new jeans. I will attest to the inside out and cold water thing, and it works very well. But much like ironing t-shirts, I think that people who would dry clean their jeans ought not to wear them in the first place.