Amelia Earhart was a childhood hero of mine. Of course by childhood, I refer to a period of time that stretched well into my early twenties...but I'm growing up now.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Suspcious Minds Make Fun In Lines

The second best thing about public transportation is the interesting conversations that people carry-on loudly over their cell phones, apparently assuming that complete strangers are much like inanimate objects in their inability to overhear incriminating speech (at least, this is what I have concluded from listening to sorority girls giving in-depth descriptions of their bowel movements to their mothers on a crowded tram). The first best thing about public transportation is wearing headphones, so you don’t have to listen to these conversations.

The other day, I forgot my walkman at home and ended up listening to this girl give a play-by-play of her recent trip to Disneyland to her friend on the phone. Disneyland, according to this girl, is chock-full of people doing mildly annoying things in line. You know the usual: making-out, passing silent but noxious gas, yelling like little children at their own little children, flicking finger nail clippings at people. Not highly interesting, but it made my mischievous little mind start imagining all the fun things I can do next time I’m in a long line:
Sing the “Song That Never Ends” incessantly, but keep pretending to forget the words every few bars

Scratch my head vigorously and ask people if they think flesh-eating lice are contagious

Brandish a Sharpie and offer to sign autographs, telling people that I’m going to be the “next big thing”

Bite my toenails

Tie my own shoelaces together and make big spectacle hopping around everywhere and “accidentally” bumping into people

Broadcast to passersby messages from Elvis that I claim are being sent through the radio transmitter implanted in my head by the Venetian Martians of Pluto

Hand out small rocks wrapped in Werther’s Original wrappers

Hock lugees on babies

Or maybe I’ll just talk really loud on my cell phone about how annoying and inconsiderate people can be.