Happy Arbor Day!

Plant a tree. Hug a tree. Buy a tree a drink (I think they like Perrier). I'm going to give one a foot rub, er root rub.

(Yes, I know this is the same thing I put up on Facebook. Get over it. Your mom put up the same thing twice too last night...what? She put up two posters of Fabio. What can I say, the lady likes her men flaxen locked with overinflated chests. I mean, she's your mom, shouldn't you steer her away from that Harlequin smut? Geez.)

Like Drops of Wisdom into the Pool of Cess, So Is Today’s Blog Post

The following are excerpts of conversations, emails, experiences, etc. that I’ve had over the past week. After ten whole seconds of thought, I decided that combining them into a cohesive narrative would involve far more effort than the end product would have been worth, so I didn’t bother. Anyway, here ‘tis:

Fact: If you mix Metamucil powder with boiling water, you will end up with a thick, gelatinous liquid/solid substance. Upon making this discovery, if you decide to consume it anyway, you will soon feel as though The Blob has decided to wage it’s attack inside your stomach and has managed to pull in many small, thrashing children in it’s wake. Pleasant, no?

From an astute six-year-old: “I wish our family had a tragedy, so that they would build a second story on our house.” (Inspired by watching Extreme Makover Home Edition)

From an evaluation of a college level course: “Great! Awesome! Swell! Luv Ya!” (Personally, I wouldn’t have thought this was an appropriate response to the question “What were this instructor’s main strengths?”, but what do I know.)

Fact: Pineapple dipped in ranch dressing tastes surprisingly good.

From a perceptive faculty member: “If you can’t poop in front of your friends, who can you poop in front of?” (In reference to an incident at USC where protesting student activists staged a sit-in at the President’s Office building, complete with
boxes of kitty litter for the anticipated call of nature.)

From an email to my mom: Well, it’s actually a wooden trunk with a coffee sack for a table cover, but it does have three coasters on it, so therefore a coffee table.

Well, that's part of my week. Now you understand why sometimes I need a moment to sit in the corner with socks on my hands and perform the Argyle version of Peter & the Wolf. Clearly, the rest of my world is just too crazy.